What If....

We are not supposed to live in the land of "What If" Trying to imagine what life would have been like IF or IF ONLY will only drive you crazy....but sometimes I can't help but wonder...

What if I had never went to college?

What if I had gotten my Masters?

What if I had dropped out of high-school?

What if I had never played sports?

What if I knew how to speak a second language?

What if I had traveled the world after high-school?

What if I never learned how to drive a car?

What if I drove motorcycle?

What if I loved meat and hated veggies?

What if I was allergic to potatoes?

What if I had never been laid off from CBS?

What if I had never left Leatherbys?

What if I had never started at Leatherbys?

What if I was blind?

What if I was deaf?

What if I had never met you?

What if I had never met God?

What if I didn't know God's love?

What if YOU didn't know God's love?

Just for the joy of writing

Part of my blogging aspirations are to read the inspirational blogs of others...there are so many outlets now for people to blog and I thoroughly enjoy reading other people's thoughts. It may seem a bit strange, considering that more often than not, I don't even know the person. However, I think that anyone can be inspired by anything, at anytime... I want to be inspired.

Yesterday, there was an article in the Sacramento Bee about a girl who took a cooking class with her husband as one of the many items that she can now cross off of her "Pre-baby-bucket list". The article linked to her blog and I found myself reading page after page of this woman's thoughts...

It was funny because I could tell just by reading her writing, that we would be great friends...sure we have a lot of surface life common:

She is in her 20's

She is in the PR industry

She is married

She obviously likes to write

She doesn't have any kids

But I could tell through her writings, but even more through her description of herself, that we would have been friends in high-school, sat next to each other in our public relations courses in college and then we would probably have coffee every two weeks or so. I don't know if our friendship would go deeper because our husbands would need to be compatible...

I say all that because I think that writing gives a small path into the mind, the heart...the inner most thoughts. I have shared some pretty deep things thus far:

Frustrations

Excitement

Sadness

Love

You know anyone can read this, anyone in the world...I have chosen to open myself up for criticism (I say: bring it...and you have) Sometimes I might not be funny, I might not be interesting I might be completely boring or irrelevant...or I might not be. Have you ever read something that had nothing to do with you that sent shivers down your spine?

That is the kind of passionate writing that I someday want to be inspired to write. If only because I am writing from my heart to your heart...maybe someday they will meet here, in my thoughts.

Sadness, denial, acceptance...rejoice!

Well, to update everyone on the "house issue" I have to first start by saying that I had come to a place of complete acceptance that we were walking away from the house. The builders would not meet us on our terms and Derek and I agreed that we would not risk moving forward on their terms. As our very wise marriage counselor once told us, "It doesn't matter if you make good decisions or bad decisions, as long as you make them in agreement"

Well, we agreed that as much as we loved this house, we needed to be smart about the purchase. So as we were leaving town Friday to go camping, we made one last stand, they have to meet us on our terms or we will have to walk away. We did so with heavy hearts, because we loved this house. It possessed everything we want in a house and we were going to have to leave it behind...

I am a person who, as "christianese" as it may sound, believes that God has a plan and sometimes His ways are not our ways. I know that what we may see as a closed door sometimes results in Him opening us up to something better than we had imagined for ourselves. Sometimes it is just different, but it is exactly what He planned. It was in this mindset that I chose to accept the fact that the problems that we were having with this builder and the purchase of our "dream home" were God's way of telling us that this was not His plan.

So with a sad but accepting heart, I choose to say, "Ok God, You know what I want, but I am not sure what You want...so I am going to trust that You have a plan and I will follow You where ever you end up leading us..."

We returned from our camping trip on Sunday and had an empty promise of a new contract from the builder saying they would fulfill our wishes, but we had yet to actually see that new contract, so we weren't sure if we were going to get the house. Derek decided that we either needed to make this happen today, or we needed to finally walk away and put it behind us so that we could move on.

We drove down to the development on Sunday afternoon and sat there, texting and talking on the phone with the sales agent and the rep on site until we had every specification written in the contract that we needed to be comfortable. We were able to walk away with the right contract in hand, sign it today (Monday), have our realtor sign it and turn it in this afternoon...

We bought our dream home today. I don't know what God was doing, maybe He just wanted our trust, maybe there are lessons yet to be learned, but God knew the desires of our heart and this time...the answer was yes.

The Waiting Game

So on Saturday we put in an offer on a nice house in West Sacramento. I think we are pretty excited about the possibility of getting this house, but of course, we are waiting to hear back about the final details being approved. The waiting game is not fun and I am in anxiety HELL...

I have successfully made it through nearly two full work days without incident, but if I have to go through another entire day tomorrow...it won't be pretty. If you are going to tell me no, then just do it. Please...let me move on with my life instead of keeping me in suspense...
We have other options, this is just our FIRST option....

Earlier today on my Twitter update I likened this waiting game to having your fingers cut off one by one... I still feel like it is a fairly accurate assessment...completely unnecessary, unfair and just plain MEAN....

So I wait...As I try and waste another hour...hour and a half of the work day, in which I have lost ALL ability to concentrate while I stare mercilessly at my phone waiting for it to ring, I Blog...I hope you now feel the same sense of anxiety that I feel....waiting for the post when I tell you whether our offer was accepted or rejected...

Let's be honest...you probably aren't exactly having an anxiety attack over this, but if you read this and haven't heard the update...pray for me... I need seriously heavenly intervention!!

Happy Birthday Derek

Today is Derek, my wonderful and loving husbands, 28th birthday. Although Derek goes out of his way to make everyone else feel like the most special person in the world on THEIR birthday, he would prefer to have his go unnoticed...fat chance. Everyone should be celebrated. Every person deserves to have the people who love them rally around them and let them know how grateful they are that God made them and placed them in their lives.

I know that I am eternally grateful that God made Derek and chose ME as his life partner. I am grateful for Derek every single day and could not imagine life without him. I have never known another person who is so thoughtful and specifically caring in my life. To the untrained eye, Derek may not come across that way, but if you have ever been on the receiving end of Derek's thoughtfulness, you know what I am talking about. He pays attention to what people like, what they want, what they need and he fulfills those likes/wants/needs to the best of his ability.

Derek always knows what I want for my birthday, for Christmas or for any other gift giving occasion. He pays attention and takes mental notes...it is amazing his recollection ability. We always joke that he can tell me what I ate at any given restaurant we go to the last 5 times...except it isn't a joke, he really can...

Unfortunately for him, I do not have the gift of thoughtfulness that he does...I am always searching my brain when it comes to what to get him for gifts...maybe that is because when he wants something, he just buys it...but still, I wish I could be more like Derek. Well, hopefully my present this year will be well received (although I may get a lecture for the $$ spent, even though he spends WAY more on me every holiday....he is the double standard KING)

Derek, Happy Birthday... I love you and I hope that we are still celebrating birthdays together when we are turning 98...ok maybe 88 because 98 is pretty freakin old and our physical and mental faculties will probably be gone by then....

Peaks & Valleys

It is funny how life goes through so many peaks and valleys...and in such a short period of time. One day I am elated with life, the next I am seemly depressed. Not in a "chemically out of balance" way, but a "life is always throwing curve balls" kind of way.

House hunting is a perfect example. One day I am STOKED that we have an apt to look at 5 homes in one day, the next day I am down that we didn't find the house, in fact, we seemed to have regressed in our progress...I am not getting my hopes up, only trying to be realistic. We are picky and getting picky-er.

Or take my Saturday; for example. GREAT NEWS, we get free tickets to go to the UFC fights in Oakland. I am ridiculously excited to be there LIVE...what happens? I come down with a migraine...of course I am going to power through it. I won't let it bring me down. Only it did, in the form of me throwing up on our way home from the searing pain in my head that I had been trying to control for 5 hours. Granted I made it all the way through the fights, which was awesome...AND I managed to control my temper when the SUPER annoying and drunk girl behind me was screaming obscenities at the top of her lungs at Anderson Silva...not good for my headache. I nearly swung at her, but I wasn't into getting Derek kicked out of the building or into a bloody fight with whatever tool was with that girl...

Needless to say, the night didn't end how we had hoped, but we had a good time anyway. Peaks and Valleys...

It happens at work every day. Today I wrote an order for PAID commercial spots...which means I make commission on it, which is pretty awesome considering I didn't have to do anything for the business, they contacted me! But I will confess, I am waiting for something terrible to happen here at work today...it typically does!

For now, I shall dance on my peak because a valley may be around the corner...However, valleys normally have beautiful flowers, so they may not be so bad :)

Playing sports makes me happy

After another win in softball tonight (yeah, we are undefeated with 1 game to play before play-offs) I can't help but remember HOW MUCH I love playing sports. If there were ever a reason I would go back to high-school, and I DO mean this would be the ONLY reason, it would be to play sports year round. Those were the DAYS!

Nothing better than finishing the summer up with a full week of hell (literally, the week of volleyball training before try-outs were called HELL WEEK), volleyball in the fall, soccer in the winter (I'll come back to that) and then club volleyball in the spring! I remember the year I refrained from playing soccer because I was going to get a job instead...then I didn't end up getting a job until the season ended (enter Leatherbys Family Creamery)...I was SO pissed...WORST WINTER EVER!!!

My senior year I played all my sports and then went straight to work, it was no problem...Just because I went to work like a nasty pig, particularly during soccer season because we played in straight MUD and I would often go to work with mud covered legs under those navy blue slacks...haha, no one knew the difference!

Anyway, I swear, those days were so awesome...I was in great shape, I always felt so alive and I was doing things I loved nearly every day of the week...I need to get back into it...something...ANYTHING!! I am pretty sure my knees will protest constant usage if there is running involved but I would love to get back into indoor soccer...or volleyball...who is with me?

The Office

Maybe you'll call me too reliant on my computer, my email and most importantly, my Microsoft Outlook, but holy crap, my Outlook has been down ALL day and I cannot do a thing...ok, maybe I have accomplished a LITTLE bit, so I have NOT accomplished far more...does that even make sense?

Fortunately I had several things to do today that weren't computer related, such as a conference call (although the dial-in number and pass code were on an email...) my brother stopped by unexpectedly, which was a nice treat, a lunch meeting (I love CPK) and tonight, a concert (want a Fish tattoo?) so I can still do PART of my job...but I mean, no EMAIL?!?!?!

SO I find myself wondering the halls of my workplace aimlessly...what does everyone else do when their email is down?

• Some employees were watching a YouTube clip of that car commercial with the hamsters...you know the one...
• Our receptionist is doing her homework (good for her)
• Couple people were standing at the copy machine and staring at its display as if they had never seen a copy machine before
• Lots of closed office doors, BUT the lights were on, which means someone is home but they are probably on ESPN, facebook or target.com
• The cubicle homies have to be more discreet...They typically make phone calls and pretend it is a sales lead...yeah right
• Some cubbies don't bother, they just all gather around one person's cubicle and gab until our GM or GSM walk by and then they scatter like roaches when you turn the light on...BACK TO WORK EVERYONE!

All in all, I would say I have the best end of this deal... I have an office, no one supervises me and I can come and go as I please...so I blog...

Who needs E-MAIL?!