Well, this blog was the first step in what I hope to be a long-lived adventure of writing extravaganzas! I can't say I have found a brand new love of writing, because I have always loved it, but I suppose that I could say I have found new inspiration, new support and a fresh wave of courage to take a step I have always wanted to.
I am going to see if I can expand on this writing thing and take it to a new level. What that MEANS exactly, I am not sure, but it does mean I am going to hang myself out there a bit, open myself up to be rejected, criticised, turned away....and maybe... accepted as a good writer.
I am currently exploring potential avenues to take my new found courage and seeing what options are available to me such as online writing contests, freelance opportunities, story submissions etc...
Perhaps even one day I shall write a book...would you read it?
I know that I may never find success, but I also know that I love to write and that even the act of writing is love to me and that is enough. If I can find success in the process of doing something I already love, then I have succeeded twice. If I don't try, than I will never know and I may miss perhaps the greatest opportunity of all.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
After I am gone...Let It Be Said
After I am gone from this world let it be said...
That I loved without limits
That I served without thanks
That I listened without talking
That I hugged without knowing
That I prayed without ceasing
After I am gone from this world let it be said...
That I showed compassion to those who were without
That I heard the cries of those who couldn't speak
That I gave of myself when there was nothing in return
That I looked for the lost so that they might be found
That I listened to my heavenly Father in my darkest days
After I am gone from this world let it be said...
That I was a friend to the friendless
That I was a lighthouse to the drifting
That I was hope to the hopeless
That I was joy in midst of the pain
That I shared pain in midst of the sorrow
As I walk into the arms of my Father in heaven let it be said...
That I loved deeply, laughed often and lived life as God intended me to live it. That I loved my neighbor as myself and I loved God with my whole heart, my whole mind, with all my soul and with all my strength.
Amen
That I loved without limits
That I served without thanks
That I listened without talking
That I hugged without knowing
That I prayed without ceasing
After I am gone from this world let it be said...
That I showed compassion to those who were without
That I heard the cries of those who couldn't speak
That I gave of myself when there was nothing in return
That I looked for the lost so that they might be found
That I listened to my heavenly Father in my darkest days
After I am gone from this world let it be said...
That I was a friend to the friendless
That I was a lighthouse to the drifting
That I was hope to the hopeless
That I was joy in midst of the pain
That I shared pain in midst of the sorrow
As I walk into the arms of my Father in heaven let it be said...
That I loved deeply, laughed often and lived life as God intended me to live it. That I loved my neighbor as myself and I loved God with my whole heart, my whole mind, with all my soul and with all my strength.
Amen
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Seeing things from the wrong perspective
Perspective is a funny thing, it can drastically alter the opinion and memory of a situation or an event versus someone else at the same event or in the same situation who saw it from a different perspective.
Today I had a big event at work...The "Super Bowl" of events at one of my radio stations as my GM likes to put it. For the first time the details and planning of this event fell squarely and solely on my shoulders. Have you ever been in one of those situations where if it goes well it is a win for the whole group but if it goes badly it is your fault and only your fault? That is this event...
There were other people involved with various aspect of selling sponsorships into the event and another person in charge of sending out invitations and getting people TO the event and my job was the make the event happen.
So the big day comes, I am awake at 4:45am...I think I jumped out of bed the second I heard my alarm go off...I was just waiting for it. I rushed through my morning prep, grabbed my coffee and flew out the door. As I entered my event room I was struck by the eerie silence that signaled I was the first to arrive...I knew I would be, but I had hoped I would be wrong and another co-worker would meet me there and offer support...That was just the beginning of a series of views I took from the wrong perspective today.
As people began to arrive, co-workers, sponsors and our guests of honor, our Pastors, I was rushing around answering questions, putting out "fires" finishing off last minute details, it seemed to me that every person in the room was incompetent except me...wp(wrong perspective)
The clock was creeping near 8am and our seats were not as full as I would have liked them...where were all the people? I looked around at our sponsors...a few had frowns on their faces, which immediately screamed to me that they were PISSED and obviously I was to blame...I saw our corporate representative whispering in the corner with our General Manager, obviously they were talking about when to fire me and hire in my replacement...WP
Finally the program starts and I can take a reprieve from my idiotic thoughts, sit down and survey the scene for real.
Today I had a big event at work...The "Super Bowl" of events at one of my radio stations as my GM likes to put it. For the first time the details and planning of this event fell squarely and solely on my shoulders. Have you ever been in one of those situations where if it goes well it is a win for the whole group but if it goes badly it is your fault and only your fault? That is this event...
There were other people involved with various aspect of selling sponsorships into the event and another person in charge of sending out invitations and getting people TO the event and my job was the make the event happen.
So the big day comes, I am awake at 4:45am...I think I jumped out of bed the second I heard my alarm go off...I was just waiting for it. I rushed through my morning prep, grabbed my coffee and flew out the door. As I entered my event room I was struck by the eerie silence that signaled I was the first to arrive...I knew I would be, but I had hoped I would be wrong and another co-worker would meet me there and offer support...That was just the beginning of a series of views I took from the wrong perspective today.
As people began to arrive, co-workers, sponsors and our guests of honor, our Pastors, I was rushing around answering questions, putting out "fires" finishing off last minute details, it seemed to me that every person in the room was incompetent except me...wp(wrong perspective)
The clock was creeping near 8am and our seats were not as full as I would have liked them...where were all the people? I looked around at our sponsors...a few had frowns on their faces, which immediately screamed to me that they were PISSED and obviously I was to blame...I saw our corporate representative whispering in the corner with our General Manager, obviously they were talking about when to fire me and hire in my replacement...WP
Finally the program starts and I can take a reprieve from my idiotic thoughts, sit down and survey the scene for real.
- Our seats were nearly full
- Our sponsors (by the way, there were more sponsors than EVER at this event) had nice looking displays and good information to offer people
- The food was being distributed on time and quickly
- Our entertainment was preforming in the background and created a nice ambiance
- Our Pastors were chatting with their table mates, drinking coffee, eating food and smiling
- There didn't appear to be a fire in sight....
As our event progressed and wrapped up and I once again sprang into action I was stopped again and again by co-workers, Pastors and sponsors who complimented me, our event and said they would see us next year...so why was I so negative? If I had been a casual observer, say, a Pastor who attended our event, everything was P-E-R-F-E-C-T...no problems and not a hitch in the program. They got a goodie bag, a free breakfast, a good teaching, a chance to meet and greet fellow Pastors and, if they wanted, an opportunity to expose themselves to the useful resources that our sponsors were offering.
So I examined myself and asked, "If the people who this event is intended for are happy, content and taken care of, why am I so intent on finding fault around every corner?" I determined that I was viewing our event from the wrong perspective, as the "event planner", which is, of course, what I do but doesn't give me an excuse to tear down the good in our event.
First of all, immediately getting bummed that no one was there when I arrived was irrational. I arrived 45 minutes before I had asked my staff to arrive, what did I expect? Pre-determining that every person in the room was incompetent because they needed to ask me questions...slightly over the top. If you recall, I am the EVENT PLANNER...I had all the details, all the answers and all the specifics...I suppose it was only natural that people were going to ask me questions if I expected them to help me do ANYTHING. Also, I am pretty sure our GM and Corporate Rep were NOT planning my demise as I had envisioned...
Anyone who attended our event today will remember the event as a well put together, relaxing and rejuvenating time.
I already mentioned that the event turned out great and I am vastly relieved...but at the same time, it reveled a lot to me about myself and a bit about what I need to change in my life. I don't need to turn into Polly Sunshine and only view life through rose-colored glasses, but I do need to realize that not everyone is stupid, not everything is against me, I am not ALWAYS working alone, sometimes things do turn out OK and if I let things play out, typically they work out alright...
Goodbye Debby Downer, you are not welcome here anymore
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Lord, please forgive me, it has been 7 days since my last entry
I really fell off the blog wagon this week, I apologize, being that I know SO many of you count on my informative, witty and often emotionally charged entries. {{Sarcasm duley noted I hope}} I will try and not let that happen again. This week has been crazy, in a work related way and when I get home at night, all I want to do is fall into a deep slumber...
That said, my fingers have been itching for the opportunity to release some pent up aggression and so I comply to their stubbornness...it is funny though, I am not even sure what I want to say, but the simple act of putting my thoughts down on paper (even virtually) release such a joy in my spirit, that it almost doesn't matter!
My thoughts today though are swirling with controversy brought on by a conversation I recently had...it all comes down to this thought: Is what I do for a living what I am meant to be doing?
Please don't confuse "meant to be doing" with:
That said, my fingers have been itching for the opportunity to release some pent up aggression and so I comply to their stubbornness...it is funny though, I am not even sure what I want to say, but the simple act of putting my thoughts down on paper (even virtually) release such a joy in my spirit, that it almost doesn't matter!
My thoughts today though are swirling with controversy brought on by a conversation I recently had...it all comes down to this thought: Is what I do for a living what I am meant to be doing?
Please don't confuse "meant to be doing" with:
- Happy
- Satisfied
- Content
- Enjoyable
- Long-term
This isn't just a question I am asking myself, but a question I encourage you to ask yourself. I think that so many of us get caught doing whatever it is that we are doing for a living because...
- We have a degree in it
- It pays well
- We have been there too long to quit
- We don't want to burn a bridge
- It is too hard to start over
- We thought it was what we were "meant" to do
If we were all honest with ourselves I think we would admit that the number one reason we don't pursue our secret dreams is because we are plain scared that it won't work out and we don't believe enough in ourselves...furthermore we may not have the love and support of someone else who believes in us (maybe because you have never shared your REAL dreams with anyone close to you).
If bills were not a factor and you could do whatever you wanted to do with your life, what would you do? If you could get the schooling, get the training, find the right job, take that first step...what would you do in order to be happy every day when you go to work?
I challenge you, along with myself, to think about it...it may not be possible for everyone, because bills and money ARE a factor in life, and not everyone has access to schooling, training and unlimited job selection in order to pursue their dreams, but do you even know?
I think it is important for all of us to know what we want and what we would do if we had the opportunity. For some of us we'll get a chance to create that opportunity for ourselves. It is also important to delegate a person in your life that you can share your dreams with that can support you in your efforts to discover who is it that you are meant to be.
I am on a mission now, in the happiest and most content time in my life, to find out who I am meant to be. Will you join me?
Friday, September 10, 2010
God please don't let her snort tonight...
So tonight marks a little milestone in my relationship with Derek...I am attending my first official "work-function" with him and his co-workers...
I am fairly positive that he is WAY more nervous about it than I am. I think I am pretty funny, witty and easy to get along with on a night by night basis (I have often said I am not a generally friendly person, but I mean I don't just bring people into my inner circle for the fun of it). More importantly, I converse easily with strangers and I ALWAYS get along well with those who are significantly older than me, so I should be a hit with the partners!
I think his single worst fear is that I might laugh so hard that I snort...yes, SNORT out loud...Most of you have probably NEVER heard me do that because it does not happen often. In fact, it rarely happens in front of ANYONE other than Derek...Actually I think he makes it up...
Anyway, we'll see how it goes!! I think it will be fine and I am looking forward to it. After all, he married me fully knowing who I am and how I act and that eventually he would have to take me out in public...will he regret it tonight?
Who has the over?
I am fairly positive that he is WAY more nervous about it than I am. I think I am pretty funny, witty and easy to get along with on a night by night basis (I have often said I am not a generally friendly person, but I mean I don't just bring people into my inner circle for the fun of it). More importantly, I converse easily with strangers and I ALWAYS get along well with those who are significantly older than me, so I should be a hit with the partners!
I think his single worst fear is that I might laugh so hard that I snort...yes, SNORT out loud...Most of you have probably NEVER heard me do that because it does not happen often. In fact, it rarely happens in front of ANYONE other than Derek...Actually I think he makes it up...
Anyway, we'll see how it goes!! I think it will be fine and I am looking forward to it. After all, he married me fully knowing who I am and how I act and that eventually he would have to take me out in public...will he regret it tonight?
Who has the over?
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
The hustle, the hassle, the heartache
Man, life has been going a MILE A MINUTE the last few weeks and there is no slow motion in sight until at least October....work has been ridiculous, home has been busy and the outside world has just been confusing and a little bit sad...
I have faced a few challenges at work in the last few weeks that have left me questioning my career, my sanity and my ability to keep my mouth shut in a volatile situation. I have never been one to walk away from a situation, even at its worst, but wow...Friday night I came close. If you read my entry from Friday morning, you read how absolutely desperate I was with pleading for mercy...the pain I was in was unbearable and I couldn't work the rest of the day in that state.
Fortunately God heard my cry and healed my headache pain. Unfortunately I proceeded to have one of the worst work events/situations that I can remember in recent history. I came within 2 minutes of walking off the job site and saying "Screw It" (and perhaps violating some major HR rules). I came home in a foul mood and was angry about it all weekend...I think I have mentioned before that under no circumstances do I feel like my job should ever follow me home. I do NOT have that kind of job...it is not critical and it should not have that effect on my personal life. That said, I take it personally when a job I am involved in is not executed right, my fault or not....so I stewed...
That compounded on top of a busy weekend and news that an old friends father had passed away...the weekend wasn't what I thought it was going to be. When I learned my friends father had passed away I was obviously saddened by the news, but furthered saddened because I have not been in contact with her in several months, nor did I have any way to contact her. I couldn't even offer her my condolences...it is funny...the Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The exact same evening that I learned of her father's death I log onto facebook and there in my friend request inbox is a friend request from her....wow. SO I accept the request and write her a message telling her that I had heard, I was so sorry to hear and if she needed me...I was here for her. She lives in another state, but her father lived here so I knew she would likely be here. Turns out I was right...she is here and gave me the funeral info. I think I am going to attend. I know that may seem weird considering our current friendship, but she was one of my best friends growing up. Regardless of the current state of our friendship, I want to be someone who people know they can count on...someone that a friend can come to when they need support, when they need love, when they need to talk or when they need prayer.
I have learned in the past and from experience watching my parents that it may not always work as a two way street. When you offer yourself up for the taking, sometimes that is all that happens, you get taken, and taken, and taken...but I have made the decision that I am created to be a giver of life, a giver of love and a giver of support to those who are in need of it. I will get my love and support from my own sources and turn and give to others...I believe that is one of the gifts God has given me and I am prepared to use it. He will equip me for whatever task He calls me to...whatever the cost.
I have faced a few challenges at work in the last few weeks that have left me questioning my career, my sanity and my ability to keep my mouth shut in a volatile situation. I have never been one to walk away from a situation, even at its worst, but wow...Friday night I came close. If you read my entry from Friday morning, you read how absolutely desperate I was with pleading for mercy...the pain I was in was unbearable and I couldn't work the rest of the day in that state.
Fortunately God heard my cry and healed my headache pain. Unfortunately I proceeded to have one of the worst work events/situations that I can remember in recent history. I came within 2 minutes of walking off the job site and saying "Screw It" (and perhaps violating some major HR rules). I came home in a foul mood and was angry about it all weekend...I think I have mentioned before that under no circumstances do I feel like my job should ever follow me home. I do NOT have that kind of job...it is not critical and it should not have that effect on my personal life. That said, I take it personally when a job I am involved in is not executed right, my fault or not....so I stewed...
That compounded on top of a busy weekend and news that an old friends father had passed away...the weekend wasn't what I thought it was going to be. When I learned my friends father had passed away I was obviously saddened by the news, but furthered saddened because I have not been in contact with her in several months, nor did I have any way to contact her. I couldn't even offer her my condolences...it is funny...the Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The exact same evening that I learned of her father's death I log onto facebook and there in my friend request inbox is a friend request from her....wow. SO I accept the request and write her a message telling her that I had heard, I was so sorry to hear and if she needed me...I was here for her. She lives in another state, but her father lived here so I knew she would likely be here. Turns out I was right...she is here and gave me the funeral info. I think I am going to attend. I know that may seem weird considering our current friendship, but she was one of my best friends growing up. Regardless of the current state of our friendship, I want to be someone who people know they can count on...someone that a friend can come to when they need support, when they need love, when they need to talk or when they need prayer.
I have learned in the past and from experience watching my parents that it may not always work as a two way street. When you offer yourself up for the taking, sometimes that is all that happens, you get taken, and taken, and taken...but I have made the decision that I am created to be a giver of life, a giver of love and a giver of support to those who are in need of it. I will get my love and support from my own sources and turn and give to others...I believe that is one of the gifts God has given me and I am prepared to use it. He will equip me for whatever task He calls me to...whatever the cost.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Jesus please have mercy on me
Today is a migraine day. If you don't experience migraines, you don't have a CLUE what that means...you might think you do, but trust me, you don't...
If you DO experience migraines, you know what I mean. I woke about about 5am and thought, "No, not today... I don't have time for this today...I have a 13 hour work-day and I can't afford to be blinded by pain and throwing up at work"
Not the best way to wake up in the morning...The pain at 5am couldn't compete with the pain I felt at 10am...It is now 12:16pm and I am reaching for the trash can... I have 9 hours left in my day and that is enough to bring tears to my eyes.
This is where the battle of wills comes in...My co-workers are telling me to go home and lay down before my event tonight. I am looking at my list of "to-do" before I leave the office to head to my event and thinking...there is no way; this stuff should get done. It is a three day weekend. If I don't do it now it has to wait until TUESDAY...then I remember, my job isn't that big of deal and if I don't lay down now...tonight at 6pm I will be crying at my event.
However, I made a decision a long long time ago when my migraines were a steady part of my life that I wasn't going to let them rule my life. They weren't going to guide my steps and they weren't going to rule my day. I won't let them bring me down. They may force me to SLOW down, but I won't stop.
So as I sit at my computer, in my office, looking forward at the rest of my day with the pain radiating behind my eyes and all through my skull, all I can say is, "Jesus, please have mercy on me today and get me through this day, I want to be able to do my job to the best of my ability, but I can't take this anymore"
If you DO experience migraines, you know what I mean. I woke about about 5am and thought, "No, not today... I don't have time for this today...I have a 13 hour work-day and I can't afford to be blinded by pain and throwing up at work"
Not the best way to wake up in the morning...The pain at 5am couldn't compete with the pain I felt at 10am...It is now 12:16pm and I am reaching for the trash can... I have 9 hours left in my day and that is enough to bring tears to my eyes.
This is where the battle of wills comes in...My co-workers are telling me to go home and lay down before my event tonight. I am looking at my list of "to-do" before I leave the office to head to my event and thinking...there is no way; this stuff should get done. It is a three day weekend. If I don't do it now it has to wait until TUESDAY...then I remember, my job isn't that big of deal and if I don't lay down now...tonight at 6pm I will be crying at my event.
However, I made a decision a long long time ago when my migraines were a steady part of my life that I wasn't going to let them rule my life. They weren't going to guide my steps and they weren't going to rule my day. I won't let them bring me down. They may force me to SLOW down, but I won't stop.
So as I sit at my computer, in my office, looking forward at the rest of my day with the pain radiating behind my eyes and all through my skull, all I can say is, "Jesus, please have mercy on me today and get me through this day, I want to be able to do my job to the best of my ability, but I can't take this anymore"
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Babies all over the place!!
Two of my friends have beautiful baby girls in the last week. There is nothing like holding a precious newborn baby in your arms and realizing how fragile and detailed life is. I am constantly amazed at the wonder that is new life. How can a little person really grow inside of another person and come out so perfectly? How can anyone who has ever had a child, held a child or seen a child not believe in God?
Little baby Brantingham was born early this morning after a stubborn attempt to stay in the womb. She looks so perfect in every way, although I haven't seen her in person. Little precious B does not have a name yet, but I am anxiously awaiting her name...Hannah has such a gift for names...her other children are named Zion, Elijah and Serenity...hard to top those,but I know she will rise to the occasion! Little baby B little JUST like her big sister Serenity...cute little nose and tons of curly hair!!
As I held new baby Chloe I literally had to hold back tears at how precious she was. Though not my child, I felt such an instant love for her. Knowing that I am going to see her grow up, see her walk, see her go through school....hopefully one day see her get married and maybe have babies of her own.
As I have written before, I am not quite ready to have my own baby yet, but as I watch Derek lovingly hold Chloe I couldn't help but feel so blessed to know that when we DO have kids, they'll be in such wonderful and capable hands. Derek is going to be such an amazing father and I thank God every day that I have been blessed with him in my life. There is no one I would rather have my children with, or raise my children with.
Little baby Brantingham was born early this morning after a stubborn attempt to stay in the womb. She looks so perfect in every way, although I haven't seen her in person. Little precious B does not have a name yet, but I am anxiously awaiting her name...Hannah has such a gift for names...her other children are named Zion, Elijah and Serenity...hard to top those,but I know she will rise to the occasion! Little baby B little JUST like her big sister Serenity...cute little nose and tons of curly hair!!
Anyway...here are a few pictures of the new baby girls...enjoy God's creative hand
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)